Boom...Humble!

I accepted a new job in August that came about by God's hand. There really is no other explanation for it. I didn't even apply for the job really. I went in for an interview on Thursday, I got the job offer on Monday and started on Wednesday. I had less than one week to decide on what I was going to do, and in a moment everything changed. I was completely miffed as to why they wanted to hire me; I felt under-qualified, I really had no experience, the job technically wasn't even in my specific field, and I had no background in the financial realm. Yet they wanted me and made me an offer I just couldn't refuse. So I left my previously-known life behind and started a new chapter.

For about 4 months everything was going well. I was extremely busy and had little down time but was expanding my networking base, learning things I didn't know the first thing about (like equity lines of credit), and becoming a wiz at Photoshop, inDesign and Illustrator. Yet the last month and a half have been hard.
Things outside of my control and heck, outside of my department, have made it less than exciting to come to work in the morning. I was getting more and more down about driving the 40-minute commute to work every day. I was secretly on pins and needles about what the day would hold. It wasn't the stress or the high-demand area I worked, it was the never knowing how people were going to feel that day; were they going to be pleasant or down right mean-spirited to everybody in the building? Maybe I'm stupidly optimistic, as one of my professors told me once, but I truly felt everybody in the office had a kind spirit and genuinely cared for everybody else. Maybe not so much! Ha. 

Since Christmas I've really been struggling with down-right dread of the office. What was once a positive and supportive workplace had become gray and tainted with angry words and accusations. The strangest part was that it was all happening around me! I was never once involved in any cross words or heated debates, but hearing your boss get cursed at on a daily basis can bring down your spirit. 

One afternoon at lunch I just called my mom in absolute despair. I couldn't keep coming into an office that had so much negativity and hatred, it was killing my spirit! After a long talk with her, I sat in my car and prayed that God would just give me guidance to where to go next, it was the only thing I could do at that point. 

I went back to my office, turned on Pandora, clicked on the "Hillsong" channel and just prayed that God would fill this place with His peace and serenity and give me the strength to persevere through it all. 

It wasn't until today that I remembered doing that a month and a half ago; I had three separate people tell me how I changed their attitude at work. One guy told me that I must see the good in everybody because I always had a smile on my face. Another guy said that I was quite possibly the most cheerful person he'd known. Then a woman in the office came up to me and just said that she did something this weekend because of me. All within one day! I put the dots together and realized that God hadn't changed the work environment necessarily, but He had changed my heart and let me be a light to the office. Isn't that the most fulfilling thing a Christian can do? I can't think of a better compliment than 'you reflect the light of Christ'...even if they can't put their finger on why I'm so happy or always smiling; the thing is they can sense I'm different! The amazing fact is that I don't have to talk about God 24/7, but that my life and my testimony can be a reflection of His grace, forgiveness, love and acceptance every day of the week. 

And God just said -boom...humble!-

Can't You or Won't You

"I trust you, I don't trust myself" I said through gritted teeth holding on for dear life as I glanced anxiously at my coaches face. 

I've pushed my body to its breaking point and done things I would've been scared to do three months ago. I've put my body through some of the most physically demanding challenges and come out physically exhausted, bruised, calloused, beaten up and to the point of vomiting, yet I keep coming back for more. However, there are still things I can't do, I can't push myself to do it. 

It wasn't until I was lying there horizontally, about 3 feet off the ground and he was telling me to let go of my arms so I would just hang by my feet that I cracked. He kept telling me what to do and all I could say is "I can't". He squatted down and looked at my in the eyes and said "You can't or you won't?" and I didn't know how to answer. I hung there for a moment and tried to release my hands but every ounce in my being was terrified that I'd fall to the cement floor below me and that'd be the end. "Trust me" he said and that's when I realized I trusted him 100%- I believed what he was telling me was true. He could've said anything to me in that moment and I would've believed him and trusted him; I just didn't have faith in myself, my own body and my own mind. 

The Lord says in Isaiah 40:11 "Do not fear, for I am with you" so why do we fear so much? I realize how much fear has held over my life. Fear of the unknown, fear of the known. Fear of failing miserably, fear of succeeding. Fear of the past but also fear of the future. So much fear and so little living.

Within those few seconds I had to chose to trust myself and have faith that I would not plummet to the cement ground. I let go and guess what, I'm still here today and hanging upside down isn't as terrifying as before. I put incredible faith in other people and even after being burned multiple times I continually put faith in others, yet I have the hardest time putting faith in my own self.  "Fear is an idea-crippling, experience-crushing, success-stalling, inhibitor inflicted only by yourself" Sometimes we are the ones standing in our own way. Trust in the Lord, trust in yourself, because He is always with you.

Let your FAITH be bigger than your FEAR. 

A Step into Adulthood

You work hard through high school, take all the advanced courses, get into a university, study for hours at the library and finally walk across the graduation day. Now what? You're supposed to land a fabulous job out of school and start carving out your career. Well what about when you're unsure? What if you, like thousands of others around, can't find a job? What if the only 'offers' you get are scams and frauds? Welcome to the job hunt 2013. 

I've been applying for jobs since February, it has felt almost like a full-time job! I've utilized every means of networking I can: Indeed, Monster, CareerBuilder, Facebook, Linkedin and every other type of industry website. Know how many call backs I've received- three. How many of those have been scams- two. How many of those have been such an awful position- one. It can get a bit frustrating and make the hunt discouraging; but remember it only takes one call to change it all. 

Today I start my first "real" full-time position as a Marketing Specialist. A piñata of emotions: excitement, anxiety, uncertainty, I finally decided on a 'first day' outfit and packed my lunch...ready for the first step into adulthood. It's amazing how you wish your entire life to be an adult, to be on your own, to make your own decisions, get your own place...and now its here and part of you only wants to be 10 again where crafts were still acceptable, food didn't have calories and it was okay to run around barefoot. With a quick prayer, I step into adulthood.

"'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11