Dear Single Friend

Is it just me or is everybody getting married? It's not a lie when I say almost every single one of my friends is married; anybody else in the same boat as me? Every Saturday from March-June was packed with a wedding, bridal shower, bachelorette weekend or dress fitting. Now that everybody is hitched or on their way to tying the knot, so begins a new season of life: the life of the single friend.

I love every one of my friends. I loved being apart of their special day in some way, whether it was as a guest or standing by their side. Each dear friend had such a different wedding, uniquely perfect for each woman. They say that after you get married everything changes. I know what they mean now. It's kind of like when you graduate high school and college; you say you're going to stay just as close as you were back in school...but inevitably life changes in different ways and things have to change..because that is life. If life stayed the same forever it would get boring and stagnant. They move. You gain new friends. They have to worry about in-laws. You worry about keeping your dog alive. They join a couples bible study and you're in a women's study group: these things aren't right or wrong, they're just the inevitable ticks of life that happen when people get married and you're still single. 

That doesn't mean they love you any less. It doesn't mean you're not as good of a friend. It doesn't mean that you can't still find time to hang out with your friend. It means that you are both evolving, maturing and growing in your walk and in your friendship. 

Being the single friend in a sea of married friends has been a tough lesson in offense. I've had to learn to not be offended. My friendships used to be a priority, and now they're not. Our coffee dates used to be a priority, and now they're not. I can't lie and say I've never been offended by a friend who suddenly goes MIA and completely checks out of my life. I constantly feel like I'm putting in 99.9% of the effort in most of my married friendships. I call and text and try to schedule times to meet only to be met by silence and "I'll check my schedule" texts. It takes two to make a relationship work and I get so frustrated when it constantly feels like a one-sided affair. However in my annoyance and offense, God reminds me of a little lesson: grace. 

I'm learning to have grace with my friends. I'm learning to have grace when a friend doesn't text me back for five days about getting together for dinner. I have to have grace when they cancel on me last minute because their husband is sick. I'm learning to have grace because I need grace. 

However to my married friends out there, don't forget about us. Yes, your priorities have changed and you may not have as much disposable time or income, but you still need us. You still need your girl time over a cup of coffee or glass of wine. You still need your mini getaways to invest in your friendships. You still need relationships outside of your marriage because God created us to be in community with one another. So don't forget about us. Don't neglect us forever, because by the time you realize that you've neglected us... we may have already moved on and checked out. 

 So for those of you out there in this new season of life, the life of the single friend, don't stop reaching out to your married friends. Don't be offended by their new priorities. Love the moments you do get to spend with them. Rejoice with them at their wedding. Pray for them when they struggle and forget why they took those vows. Don't be afraid to venture out and meet new friends. But always know who your true and deepest friends are and continue to pour into those friendships.

You make time for the things you value. If you value a relationship, invest it in.

The Ultimate Relationship

re·la·tion·ship

noun

// The way in which two or more concepts, objects or people are connected, or the state of being connected. //

We understand relationships; we are a relational culture. We seek relationships. We crave relationships. We require relationships. Most people understand what it takes to maintain a relationship. You call your parents to fill them in on the highs and lows of life. You text your best friend to share something exciting. You spend time with your significant other to stay connected. You share funny stories with your coworkers to create friendship. We do these things rather effortlessly and most of the time without much contemplation because it's natural. So if it's innate to create and maintain relationships, why is it that we stumble with creating and maintaining a relationship with the Lord?

A large part of why people struggle with having a 'relationship' with the Lord is because our minds get caught up in this world. We get caught up in thinking that you can only have a relationship with a physical person or thing- your dog, your parents, your husband/wife. Even the phrases we use to describe how to maintain a relationship denotes the physical existence of another "it's a two way street", "it takes two to build a relationship". But with God, it's not physical - it's spiritual and emotional. Unfortunately we can't call God and have a conversation with Him (wouldn't that be amazing?!). We can't just text Him when something exciting happens during the day or go grab a cup of coffee and share our heart. Our human brains fumble with how to have a relationship with the Holy Spirit.

So how do we have a relationship with the Lord? What can we do to create a strong bond? How can we maintain that love and friendship? If you struggle with going deeper with God, if you yearn to take your relationship from ankle deep to 'all in', then consider these four things to help you get there. 

1. Worship
Worship comes in so many different packages. Traditionally we think of song but worship is a personal expression of your love and joy in the Lord. You can worship through singing, dancing, writing, painting, drawing…anything that is an outward expression of your inner feelings. Maybe you start listening to only Christian music in the car. You could start a photo blog of things that remind you of God's creation. Maybe you want to start journaling your prayers at night. Worship is the way in which you give back the glory to God but find something that you love that glorifies Him!

2. Prayer
Don't get caught up in the number of prayers you give throughout the day; be more focused on the quality of your prayers. Don't get caught up on completely nonexistent rules like "you should pray when you wake up, before every meal and before you go to bed at night". God didn't create rules that you could only pray and give thanks to Him then! I'm the first to admit I can be a little ADD, so sitting down to pray for 15-minutes at bedtime doesn't work for me (#RealHonestMoment: Sometimes I even get distracted at church when the pastor is praying and find myself making a mental grocery list). I encourage you to pray throughout the day, little prayers of thankfulness. On the way to work or school, in the shower, at your desk, at 3:24 every day… whenever! God is listening 24/7 and you don't need to be on your knees listening to Hillsong United in order to be heard. 

3. The Word
Get in the Word. You've probably heard that in many sermons- so what does that mean? Open up your Bible (or Bible App). Get a devotional. Pick scripture to memorize. Read God's word for your life. The Bible is God's tool for us, it's full of advice and wisdom we can utilize and carry with us daily. Maybe reading the Bible is overwhelming (which for me it is), so start small. Pick one book of the Bible and each day read a few verses or a chapter. Start small, remember quality is better than quantity! Spend time with God reading His words and try to 'listen' to what your heart is telling you. 

4. Community
We are created to be relational people. God designed Eve for Adam because it wasn't good for him to be alone. All over the Bible are references to the importance of community and togetherness - a three-cord strand is not easily broken, he who walks with the wise will grow wise… God knew that we needed people around us to support us, uplift us, provide wisdom and love. So surround yourself with those who will do just that. Look at the friends around you: do they help you get closer to God or hinder you? Are you apart of a life group or a small group in your church? Seek our people and settings that bring you closer to God, that grow your faith, and build you up.

A relationship with God is the ultimate relationship. It is the most beautiful, intimate and loving relationship there is available. We were designed and created to glorify God, and all He wants is a relationship with you.

Day 01 of 30

Day 01: Blog about your current relationship status

Some of my friends say my standards are too high, but I'm not willing to compromise on the qualities and characteristics that are important to me in a future-husband, after all this is the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I am currently single and am just waiting for God's perfect timing. I've learned {the hard way} that forcing the timing on a relationship is more detrimental than having patience and waiting for God to bring two people together. God can move mountains, calm the seas and heal sickness, so I have faith that He can and will orchestrate the most wonderful relationship when He sees fit. 

I believe it's important to have a set of qualities and characteristics you are looking for in a potential boyfriend/husband, because it will give you almost a baseline…uninfluenced by how attractive a guy is and how absolutely adorable he can be ;) Justification and compromise of your standards is so much easier when you have a guy in mind. Some of the qualities I, personally, think are important: 

1. He is a practicing believer. 

“Do not be yoked together with an unbeliever…For what agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?” 2 Corinthians 6:14-16. 

2. God is the center of his life. 

He seeks God’s direction in every decision he makes.

3. Looks for a mentor and counsel.

“The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.” Proverbs 12:15

4. He is patient and is slow to anger. 

“A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” Proverbs 15:18

5. He is honorable of your heart and emotional well-being. 
I want to feel safe knowing I can trust him with my heart, my feelings and my deeper dreams.  “Love each other deeply because love covers all wrongs.” 1 Peter 4:8.

6. He is disciplined.

“He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.” Proverbs 5:23

Maybe its the dancer in me, but I absolutely love this quote and a sweet friend reminded me of it this week "Dance with God and He will let the right man cut in". So I will continue to dance with God until He allows the right man to cut in