Searching for Answers: Job 8

Job 8: Searching for Answers

|| Job 8:5-7||

But if you will seek God earnestly
    and plead with the Almighty,

if you are pure and upright,
    even now he will rouse himself on your behalf
    and restore you to your prosperous state.
 Your beginnings will seem humble,
    so prosperous will your future be.

I don't know about you, but I constantly seek advice. When there's a decision at work I seek the guidance of my boss. When I can't decide on a life decision I'll usually call my parents for their insight. If I'm struggling with a relationship with a guy I'll call my best friends and have girl talk! It's just human nature to want the opinion and advice of others. 

In Job's situation, he was receiving unsolicited advice from his "friend" Bildad. Bildad and his cohorts were lecturing Job and giving him their opinion of why he was encountering such suffering and persecution. Bildad's advice here in 5-7 (in that context) is an insult to Job. Job was a man after God, a man who continually sought the Lord. Bildad and his other guys thought Job had turned his back on the Lord and felt they had the right (or duty) to tell him what was up. Although this was poor advice for Job's situation (he was living for the Lord and seeking God)...I think that this scripture serves as a reminder to us: SEEK GOD FIRST IN EVERY SITUATION. 

I saw a quote once that said "have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it" and it really made me think; how many times do I talk talk talk to friends/family/colleagues and never pray about the situation?! Ouch. I can recount many times where that was the case. Job 8 reminds me that if I want advice, if I really am searching for God's wisdom, I need to go to His Word first. If I want to know what to do, I need to pray boldly and intentionally. He literally has all the answers, all we have to do is come before Him, seek Him, read His Word, listen for His voice, feel the moving of His spirit. 

I know it goes against our human nature to do that, but as I've come to bring my prayers and decisions boldly before the Lord, it's become more and more second nature. Is there something you're searching for today? Have you talked something to death but haven't prayed about it? What are you waiting on God to answer? Take 5 minutes to write or talk it out with Him. Pray boldly and ask for His guidance. 

Dear Single Friend

Is it just me or is everybody getting married? It's not a lie when I say almost every single one of my friends is married; anybody else in the same boat as me? Every Saturday from March-June was packed with a wedding, bridal shower, bachelorette weekend or dress fitting. Now that everybody is hitched or on their way to tying the knot, so begins a new season of life: the life of the single friend.

I love every one of my friends. I loved being apart of their special day in some way, whether it was as a guest or standing by their side. Each dear friend had such a different wedding, uniquely perfect for each woman. They say that after you get married everything changes. I know what they mean now. It's kind of like when you graduate high school and college; you say you're going to stay just as close as you were back in school...but inevitably life changes in different ways and things have to change..because that is life. If life stayed the same forever it would get boring and stagnant. They move. You gain new friends. They have to worry about in-laws. You worry about keeping your dog alive. They join a couples bible study and you're in a women's study group: these things aren't right or wrong, they're just the inevitable ticks of life that happen when people get married and you're still single. 

That doesn't mean they love you any less. It doesn't mean you're not as good of a friend. It doesn't mean that you can't still find time to hang out with your friend. It means that you are both evolving, maturing and growing in your walk and in your friendship. 

Being the single friend in a sea of married friends has been a tough lesson in offense. I've had to learn to not be offended. My friendships used to be a priority, and now they're not. Our coffee dates used to be a priority, and now they're not. I can't lie and say I've never been offended by a friend who suddenly goes MIA and completely checks out of my life. I constantly feel like I'm putting in 99.9% of the effort in most of my married friendships. I call and text and try to schedule times to meet only to be met by silence and "I'll check my schedule" texts. It takes two to make a relationship work and I get so frustrated when it constantly feels like a one-sided affair. However in my annoyance and offense, God reminds me of a little lesson: grace. 

I'm learning to have grace with my friends. I'm learning to have grace when a friend doesn't text me back for five days about getting together for dinner. I have to have grace when they cancel on me last minute because their husband is sick. I'm learning to have grace because I need grace. 

However to my married friends out there, don't forget about us. Yes, your priorities have changed and you may not have as much disposable time or income, but you still need us. You still need your girl time over a cup of coffee or glass of wine. You still need your mini getaways to invest in your friendships. You still need relationships outside of your marriage because God created us to be in community with one another. So don't forget about us. Don't neglect us forever, because by the time you realize that you've neglected us... we may have already moved on and checked out. 

 So for those of you out there in this new season of life, the life of the single friend, don't stop reaching out to your married friends. Don't be offended by their new priorities. Love the moments you do get to spend with them. Rejoice with them at their wedding. Pray for them when they struggle and forget why they took those vows. Don't be afraid to venture out and meet new friends. But always know who your true and deepest friends are and continue to pour into those friendships.

You make time for the things you value. If you value a relationship, invest it in.

The Thankful Project: November 8th

The Thankful Project: November 8th: Words

Today's thankful project is being thankful for words. Immediately my mind went "well I'm thankful for the Word of God- duh", and then it went to "the encouraging words from friends" but I still just didn't have big ah-ha moment and my fingers start flying over the keys. I decided to look through one of my favorite boards on Pinterest for some sort of inspiration. The first pin there was something I pinned a few days ago and it was just like the Lord was speaking directly to me.

I don't post about romantic relationships very often but these words were just too good not to share. 

Let’s get this straight. There is a BIG difference between a Christian guy and a Man of God. The Christian guy might say that he loves you, but a Man of God will love God more than you. A Christian guy might text you Bible verse or have a tattoo of them, but a Man of God will live out those verses and have them written on his heart. A Christian guy might go to church, but a Man of God will praise and honor God in all his ways for all his days. A Christian guy might ‘accidentally’ compromise your virtue or purity, but a Man of God will protect it above all else. A Christian guy might be super attractive, fun or handsome, but a Man of God will have a beautiful heart, regardless of his looks. A Christian guy might be content to take you out, but a Man of God will go beyond the superficial and hold you up before God in his prayers continually.

There was a similar sermon by one of my favorite pastors, Matt Chandler, and he said... "Girls: the error they make is this really kind of “Well, he’s a neat Christian guy. I’ll marry him”. No. I think you avoid neat Christian boys like they’re the plague. I really do. You find a guy who is directionally headed toward godliness. Ok. Now, are they going be raw? Sure. Are they going to have weaknesses and flaws? Yes. Is there a desire and direction to become a godly man? Yeah that guy is gold.

I've become more and more increasingly aware of the amount of 'Christian boys'. I mean this is for men and women, but just because you have a Bible verse you Googled on your IG profile, doesn't make you a Godly man (or woman). To me, actively walking in a relationship with the Lord means: making every day decisions as if God was right there next to you. Spending time in fellowship with those who build you up and bring you closer to God. Praising and worshiping. Reading your Bible or a devotional or an app or something where you are getting the Word of God. Praying, whether that’s one, five or seventy times a day…making conversation with God. Bringing your heart and your desires before God and asking Him to show you His way. It is about recognizing your errors and sins and turning from your ways. It’s not just about church on Sunday and leaving Him at the door on your way out.

These words were just so poignant and truthful for the season of life myself and a few of my friends are in. I am so thankful that there are people like this that just spit truth and share it on social media, because just when I’m struggling and feel lost, God speaks in miraculous ways. I’m thankful for the Truth and for reality checks. I’m thankful for a network of women out there who continually share God’s truth for women and remind us all that honey, every little thing is going to be alright. 

The Ultimate Relationship

re·la·tion·ship

noun

// The way in which two or more concepts, objects or people are connected, or the state of being connected. //

We understand relationships; we are a relational culture. We seek relationships. We crave relationships. We require relationships. Most people understand what it takes to maintain a relationship. You call your parents to fill them in on the highs and lows of life. You text your best friend to share something exciting. You spend time with your significant other to stay connected. You share funny stories with your coworkers to create friendship. We do these things rather effortlessly and most of the time without much contemplation because it's natural. So if it's innate to create and maintain relationships, why is it that we stumble with creating and maintaining a relationship with the Lord?

A large part of why people struggle with having a 'relationship' with the Lord is because our minds get caught up in this world. We get caught up in thinking that you can only have a relationship with a physical person or thing- your dog, your parents, your husband/wife. Even the phrases we use to describe how to maintain a relationship denotes the physical existence of another "it's a two way street", "it takes two to build a relationship". But with God, it's not physical - it's spiritual and emotional. Unfortunately we can't call God and have a conversation with Him (wouldn't that be amazing?!). We can't just text Him when something exciting happens during the day or go grab a cup of coffee and share our heart. Our human brains fumble with how to have a relationship with the Holy Spirit.

So how do we have a relationship with the Lord? What can we do to create a strong bond? How can we maintain that love and friendship? If you struggle with going deeper with God, if you yearn to take your relationship from ankle deep to 'all in', then consider these four things to help you get there. 

1. Worship
Worship comes in so many different packages. Traditionally we think of song but worship is a personal expression of your love and joy in the Lord. You can worship through singing, dancing, writing, painting, drawing…anything that is an outward expression of your inner feelings. Maybe you start listening to only Christian music in the car. You could start a photo blog of things that remind you of God's creation. Maybe you want to start journaling your prayers at night. Worship is the way in which you give back the glory to God but find something that you love that glorifies Him!

2. Prayer
Don't get caught up in the number of prayers you give throughout the day; be more focused on the quality of your prayers. Don't get caught up on completely nonexistent rules like "you should pray when you wake up, before every meal and before you go to bed at night". God didn't create rules that you could only pray and give thanks to Him then! I'm the first to admit I can be a little ADD, so sitting down to pray for 15-minutes at bedtime doesn't work for me (#RealHonestMoment: Sometimes I even get distracted at church when the pastor is praying and find myself making a mental grocery list). I encourage you to pray throughout the day, little prayers of thankfulness. On the way to work or school, in the shower, at your desk, at 3:24 every day… whenever! God is listening 24/7 and you don't need to be on your knees listening to Hillsong United in order to be heard. 

3. The Word
Get in the Word. You've probably heard that in many sermons- so what does that mean? Open up your Bible (or Bible App). Get a devotional. Pick scripture to memorize. Read God's word for your life. The Bible is God's tool for us, it's full of advice and wisdom we can utilize and carry with us daily. Maybe reading the Bible is overwhelming (which for me it is), so start small. Pick one book of the Bible and each day read a few verses or a chapter. Start small, remember quality is better than quantity! Spend time with God reading His words and try to 'listen' to what your heart is telling you. 

4. Community
We are created to be relational people. God designed Eve for Adam because it wasn't good for him to be alone. All over the Bible are references to the importance of community and togetherness - a three-cord strand is not easily broken, he who walks with the wise will grow wise… God knew that we needed people around us to support us, uplift us, provide wisdom and love. So surround yourself with those who will do just that. Look at the friends around you: do they help you get closer to God or hinder you? Are you apart of a life group or a small group in your church? Seek our people and settings that bring you closer to God, that grow your faith, and build you up.

A relationship with God is the ultimate relationship. It is the most beautiful, intimate and loving relationship there is available. We were designed and created to glorify God, and all He wants is a relationship with you.

Day 01 of 30

Day 01: Blog about your current relationship status

Some of my friends say my standards are too high, but I'm not willing to compromise on the qualities and characteristics that are important to me in a future-husband, after all this is the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I am currently single and am just waiting for God's perfect timing. I've learned {the hard way} that forcing the timing on a relationship is more detrimental than having patience and waiting for God to bring two people together. God can move mountains, calm the seas and heal sickness, so I have faith that He can and will orchestrate the most wonderful relationship when He sees fit. 

I believe it's important to have a set of qualities and characteristics you are looking for in a potential boyfriend/husband, because it will give you almost a baseline…uninfluenced by how attractive a guy is and how absolutely adorable he can be ;) Justification and compromise of your standards is so much easier when you have a guy in mind. Some of the qualities I, personally, think are important: 

1. He is a practicing believer. 

“Do not be yoked together with an unbeliever…For what agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?” 2 Corinthians 6:14-16. 

2. God is the center of his life. 

He seeks God’s direction in every decision he makes.

3. Looks for a mentor and counsel.

“The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.” Proverbs 12:15

4. He is patient and is slow to anger. 

“A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” Proverbs 15:18

5. He is honorable of your heart and emotional well-being. 
I want to feel safe knowing I can trust him with my heart, my feelings and my deeper dreams.  “Love each other deeply because love covers all wrongs.” 1 Peter 4:8.

6. He is disciplined.

“He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.” Proverbs 5:23

Maybe its the dancer in me, but I absolutely love this quote and a sweet friend reminded me of it this week "Dance with God and He will let the right man cut in". So I will continue to dance with God until He allows the right man to cut in

Hi, I'm a Runner.

Some say that at a certain point during a run, you break through the wall and enter a "runners high" where you are in this incredible zone of freedom; you feel nothing, you sense nothing, and the only noise you hear is the rhythmic beats of your feet pounding pavement. Your lungs suddenly stop struggling to keep a steady breath and you can feel the wild abandonment that coincides with being able to run like nothing will catch you.

I have never had that feeling.

I hate running.

Running is literally one of my least favorite forms of exercises to do and most of the time when I arrive at Crossfit and I see running on the menu, I have to fight this urge to turn right back around and flee to my car. Running is just not something I enjoy; I can't get into a runners high and all I can think about is when is the torture going to end.

So no. I'm not a runner; but I run. 

Over the last few years I've pursued the wrong guys and been burned in the process. Offended and hurt, I retreated to the only thing I knew- the safe haven of the Lord and His promise for my life. "'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future'" Jeremiah 29:11.  

I realize my list of expectations and qualities in a man are high, but by no means do I think they are outrageous. I did realize however, that I expected a man to be this incredibly Godly man who would be a prayerful leader of a household, and a man who recklessly pursues the Lord and His will for His life; but was I worthy of a man like that? A few months ago I took a step back and looked at my "list" and reflected on myself and my own characteristics. Would I measure up to a guys "list"? It made me humbly recognize that my heart wasn't completely hidden in the Lord, but it was just hidden in general from friends, family and myself. That's when I realized I was doing this wrong. How can I expect a man to have all the checklists of the ideal Christian guy if I am not 100% hidden in the Lord myself? So what did I do? I ran.

I run from all relationships and the possibilities of relationships towards God's love and protection. I realized if I submitted my entire heart to the Lord, he would keep it safe until the right guy (or sucker...depending on how you look at it) could actually keep up with me. Then, and only then, would I know that this guy was worth the while and see where things lead. 

So yes, I'm a runner. I don't run out of fear or rejection but I run for joy and fulfillment in the only One who can bring peace. 

Toxic Friendships

As a society, we condemn abusive relationships and bullying but I think we've missed the mark on one type of abuse- and that is the toxic "frenemy" complexity that young women have created today. Friends, sisters, roommates, sorority sisters, small group members; to the outside people would guess 'friends' but in reality the fierce world of jealousy, confrontation, and passive aggressive arguments turns them into silent enemies. After going on four years in a sorority, I have seen this hidden world butt its' ugly head in several relationships in the sorority but most recently, my own relationships. There is something extremely hurtful about a fallout with a friend, but then when this ugly 'frenemy' dynamic rises, it makes it that more painful.

Friendship, according to the Bible, is a good and necessary relationship that bring humanity closer together. Do your friendships look like that? After over two years of friendship with a particular friend and a falling out, I looked to Scripture for advice. England changed me completely, from the inside out and it was time to lay issues to rest and move on. I was changed, and I hope she had too. Driving to dinner I was hopeful to hash out the past and move forward. Almost two hours later, I drove home feeling smaller than a grain of sand. 

"A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separate the best of friends" is a section taken from Proverbs 16:28. While I was driving home that evening, I vowed that this was the end; not because I was stubborn and thought she was 100% wrong, not because I didn't make an effort to extend the olive branch, but because she made me feel worthless, inferior and altogether depressed. I realized that her friendship was no longer worth pursuing because of the way she treated me over the years. I gave to that friendship more than I ever got back; I always tried to make her birthdays special, I stayed up with her hours while she vented about boyfriend issues, I defended her to others because they didn't understand what she was going through- yet here I sat at the end of it with the short end of the stick and completely alone. 

In the end of it all, no body should ever make you feel inferior, depressed, sad, hurt, ugly or just worthless. Women have such toxic relationships sometimes and continue to go back to "friends" that continually hurt them, and then we go to another friend, our mom, a cousin or a coworker and complain about them. My time is so limited here at UNCW that I don't want to waste one more minute of energy, time or emotion on a toxic relationship that will never go past the gates of college. Have more self esteem and self worth for yourself to stand up for yourself, your precious time and your mental health and walk away from these relationships. It's amazing how when you walk away from a toxic pond how the Lord will provide you with a fresh spring to invest in you.  "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend" Proverbs 27:17