Job 9: Suffering but not Broken

Job’s anguish and desperateness stirs a deep sense of pain in my soul. To feel so close to someone, to deeply love them, and they appear to turn their back on you. I think any woman who has experienced a heartbreak, break-up, or divorce can identity with the utter torment that must’ve been running through his soul like a virus. As women who are intricately created to be emotional beings, it’s no wonder so many of us can sympathize with Job. I find that when I’m in seasons of despair and anguish I will play that emotional head game that Job could’ve gotten trapped in: What did I do to deserve this? What offense did I commit against God? How can I ever survive? I am obviously unforgivable.

However my understanding of God’s character has transformed through our relationship. Like any relationship there are many stages: excitement, getting to know one another, contentment, ups and downs along the way, re-learning one another and so forth. I’m reminded of 1 Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a child, I spoke like a child. I though like a child. I understood like a child. Now I am a man. I do not act like a child anymore” (NLV). My relationship has changed with God from being a ‘newborn’ Christian and therefore my understanding of who God is and our relationship. As I grow and my mind has expanded, I have been able to understand God in a whole new way…it’s almost like exploring a new city- every little thing is exciting and scary and wonderful!

When I was a child, I saw God as this ominous big fluffy cloud. Untouchable but present and evident. Through the ups and downs of my life I’ve seen him as a commanding authoritarian (do not do this, do not do that), a protector from potentially devastating situations, a supernatural healer, and even a loving dad-figure. Maybe you see Him in one of these ways right now. The thing is though, he isn’t one of these ‘hats’; he just is.

He is present (even when you don’t see him). He is protecting (even when it doesn’t feel like it). He is directing (even when you don’t know where to go). He is loving (when you feel unlovable). He is the healer (when doctors tell you nothing is wrong with you). He is a dad (to all sons and daughters). He is YOURS. He is yours, and you are His. Together you get to evolve and change your relationship. Who said there was a right or wrong way to see God? There isn’t! There is only one rule in this relationship,  and that is to L-O-V-E. Job had to go seek a mediator to understand God’s love for us, but we don’t even need to go anywhere- Jesus (THE Mediator) is in our hearts.

Job 7: Dealing with Suffering

|| Job 7: 20-21 ||

If I have sinned, what have I done to you,
    you who see everything we do?
Why have you made me your target?
    Have I become a burden to you?
 Why do you not pardon my offenses
    and forgive my sins?
For I will soon lie down in the dust;
    you will search for me, but I will be no more.

Q: How do you respond to suffering when it enters your life? What stands out to you from Job 7?

To be honest, I don’t handle suffering well. I usually have two responses: anger or depression. I find that I become bitter and angry or else I become down and mope about. Not the most ‘Christian-like’ response eh, but it’s the truth. Sometimes as I’m walking through difficulty I get frustrated and annoyed at having to face yet another struggle, another issue, another adversary. I look around and others don’t seem to be struggling or suffering; their lives seem to be walking through fields of flowers and I’m rowing a boat in a storm. I’ll throw my hands up in anger and ask “why me God?!”.

Then on the flip side of that, I can get into the lows and sadness and sit in pitty-partyville. I feel so downcast and discouraged that I mope around a bit, disheartened that I’m left to face this struggle. It’s a very isolating feeling. I can get so in my head and wrap myself up in a cocoon of lies that is about as self-destructive as it is depressing.

For years I felt like I was suffering in this season called ‘singleness’. I felt abandoned on an island of solitude as my closest friends have sailed off on USS Marriage and I’m left looking for a ship, a boat or heck even a dingy!! Ha. Yet a message from Pastor Steven Furtick called “IT HAD TO HAPPEN” changed my entire perspective. As I’ve been standing longing on the beach looking off at the horizon, there is an entire island behind me that could use my attention. I’ve been so focused on being stuck on this island, but God didn’t abandon me here, he PLACED me here. He placed me in ‘singleness’ because there is a mission I need to accomplish. There is a task at hand, His purpose, that He wants me to fulfill. I can look at this season as suffering or I can look at this station as a mission. In the last few weeks I’ve decided to change the agony of my heart from suffering to the joy of learning and teaching moments of the mission.

My outlook has changed and hence my attitude has changed, but even more life-changing is the fact that my perspective has changed. My “suffering” is how God is using me in this station of life. I look at the struggles I face now as learning moments; I go in and ask Him “Alright God, what can I learn? Reveal to me Your purpose for this moment. Guide me through this moment because my strength won’t carry myself”. I know there is some heart-breaking and devastating suffering out there, but I hope this encourages someone that your suffering is not in vain. You are not stuck, you are stationed sister!!