Job 9: Suffering but not Broken

Job’s anguish and desperateness stirs a deep sense of pain in my soul. To feel so close to someone, to deeply love them, and they appear to turn their back on you. I think any woman who has experienced a heartbreak, break-up, or divorce can identity with the utter torment that must’ve been running through his soul like a virus. As women who are intricately created to be emotional beings, it’s no wonder so many of us can sympathize with Job. I find that when I’m in seasons of despair and anguish I will play that emotional head game that Job could’ve gotten trapped in: What did I do to deserve this? What offense did I commit against God? How can I ever survive? I am obviously unforgivable.

However my understanding of God’s character has transformed through our relationship. Like any relationship there are many stages: excitement, getting to know one another, contentment, ups and downs along the way, re-learning one another and so forth. I’m reminded of 1 Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a child, I spoke like a child. I though like a child. I understood like a child. Now I am a man. I do not act like a child anymore” (NLV). My relationship has changed with God from being a ‘newborn’ Christian and therefore my understanding of who God is and our relationship. As I grow and my mind has expanded, I have been able to understand God in a whole new way…it’s almost like exploring a new city- every little thing is exciting and scary and wonderful!

When I was a child, I saw God as this ominous big fluffy cloud. Untouchable but present and evident. Through the ups and downs of my life I’ve seen him as a commanding authoritarian (do not do this, do not do that), a protector from potentially devastating situations, a supernatural healer, and even a loving dad-figure. Maybe you see Him in one of these ways right now. The thing is though, he isn’t one of these ‘hats’; he just is.

He is present (even when you don’t see him). He is protecting (even when it doesn’t feel like it). He is directing (even when you don’t know where to go). He is loving (when you feel unlovable). He is the healer (when doctors tell you nothing is wrong with you). He is a dad (to all sons and daughters). He is YOURS. He is yours, and you are His. Together you get to evolve and change your relationship. Who said there was a right or wrong way to see God? There isn’t! There is only one rule in this relationship,  and that is to L-O-V-E. Job had to go seek a mediator to understand God’s love for us, but we don’t even need to go anywhere- Jesus (THE Mediator) is in our hearts.

Searching for Answers: Job 8

Job 8: Searching for Answers

|| Job 8:5-7||

But if you will seek God earnestly
    and plead with the Almighty,

if you are pure and upright,
    even now he will rouse himself on your behalf
    and restore you to your prosperous state.
 Your beginnings will seem humble,
    so prosperous will your future be.

I don't know about you, but I constantly seek advice. When there's a decision at work I seek the guidance of my boss. When I can't decide on a life decision I'll usually call my parents for their insight. If I'm struggling with a relationship with a guy I'll call my best friends and have girl talk! It's just human nature to want the opinion and advice of others. 

In Job's situation, he was receiving unsolicited advice from his "friend" Bildad. Bildad and his cohorts were lecturing Job and giving him their opinion of why he was encountering such suffering and persecution. Bildad's advice here in 5-7 (in that context) is an insult to Job. Job was a man after God, a man who continually sought the Lord. Bildad and his other guys thought Job had turned his back on the Lord and felt they had the right (or duty) to tell him what was up. Although this was poor advice for Job's situation (he was living for the Lord and seeking God)...I think that this scripture serves as a reminder to us: SEEK GOD FIRST IN EVERY SITUATION. 

I saw a quote once that said "have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it" and it really made me think; how many times do I talk talk talk to friends/family/colleagues and never pray about the situation?! Ouch. I can recount many times where that was the case. Job 8 reminds me that if I want advice, if I really am searching for God's wisdom, I need to go to His Word first. If I want to know what to do, I need to pray boldly and intentionally. He literally has all the answers, all we have to do is come before Him, seek Him, read His Word, listen for His voice, feel the moving of His spirit. 

I know it goes against our human nature to do that, but as I've come to bring my prayers and decisions boldly before the Lord, it's become more and more second nature. Is there something you're searching for today? Have you talked something to death but haven't prayed about it? What are you waiting on God to answer? Take 5 minutes to write or talk it out with Him. Pray boldly and ask for His guidance. 

Job 7: Dealing with Suffering

|| Job 7: 20-21 ||

If I have sinned, what have I done to you,
    you who see everything we do?
Why have you made me your target?
    Have I become a burden to you?
 Why do you not pardon my offenses
    and forgive my sins?
For I will soon lie down in the dust;
    you will search for me, but I will be no more.

Q: How do you respond to suffering when it enters your life? What stands out to you from Job 7?

To be honest, I don’t handle suffering well. I usually have two responses: anger or depression. I find that I become bitter and angry or else I become down and mope about. Not the most ‘Christian-like’ response eh, but it’s the truth. Sometimes as I’m walking through difficulty I get frustrated and annoyed at having to face yet another struggle, another issue, another adversary. I look around and others don’t seem to be struggling or suffering; their lives seem to be walking through fields of flowers and I’m rowing a boat in a storm. I’ll throw my hands up in anger and ask “why me God?!”.

Then on the flip side of that, I can get into the lows and sadness and sit in pitty-partyville. I feel so downcast and discouraged that I mope around a bit, disheartened that I’m left to face this struggle. It’s a very isolating feeling. I can get so in my head and wrap myself up in a cocoon of lies that is about as self-destructive as it is depressing.

For years I felt like I was suffering in this season called ‘singleness’. I felt abandoned on an island of solitude as my closest friends have sailed off on USS Marriage and I’m left looking for a ship, a boat or heck even a dingy!! Ha. Yet a message from Pastor Steven Furtick called “IT HAD TO HAPPEN” changed my entire perspective. As I’ve been standing longing on the beach looking off at the horizon, there is an entire island behind me that could use my attention. I’ve been so focused on being stuck on this island, but God didn’t abandon me here, he PLACED me here. He placed me in ‘singleness’ because there is a mission I need to accomplish. There is a task at hand, His purpose, that He wants me to fulfill. I can look at this season as suffering or I can look at this station as a mission. In the last few weeks I’ve decided to change the agony of my heart from suffering to the joy of learning and teaching moments of the mission.

My outlook has changed and hence my attitude has changed, but even more life-changing is the fact that my perspective has changed. My “suffering” is how God is using me in this station of life. I look at the struggles I face now as learning moments; I go in and ask Him “Alright God, what can I learn? Reveal to me Your purpose for this moment. Guide me through this moment because my strength won’t carry myself”. I know there is some heart-breaking and devastating suffering out there, but I hope this encourages someone that your suffering is not in vain. You are not stuck, you are stationed sister!!

The Thankful Project: November 7th

The Thankful Project: November 7th: A job

When you're little, people ask you "What do you want to be when you grow up?". The answers vary from princess to teacher to veterinarian to a movie start, and a sprinkling of everything in between. Heck, you ask the same question a few weeks apart and a child will probably tell you different dreams. The thing is our dreams change. We realize different gifts and talents we have and we realize things we don't enjoy. It's amazing to me how life works out and where the journey takes you, sometimes even to very unexpected places. Today I'm thankful for the career path the Lord has sent me down. 

I've been blessed with a job that lets me do two of my favorite things: be creative + travel. I received a Bachelors of Arts from UNCW in Communication Studies, a concentration in Public Relations and a minor in Political Science. I dabbled in politics and event planning and landed on wedding planning post-graduation. I love wedding planning- being a part of someones incredibly happy day is such a blessing. I love the details, the planning, the organization, the creativity but most of all I loved the 20+ hour day of work to put together a magical moment for the bride and groom. 

Unfortunately reality set in, bills had to be paid, and living in a resort town just wasn't cutting it anymore. So I sadly moved inland and to make a long-story short (too late), I ended up landing this job. By day I'm the Marketing Coordinator for a huge international organization, by night I'm the Traveling Cupcake :) 

This job has blessed me in so many ways. I've been able to travel all over the US and Canada (and fingers crossed more international travel soon). I've learned from some incredible mentors. I have wonderful coworkers and a kick-butt boss who definitely has the mentality that we 'work to live' not 'live to work'. They allow me to take my wanderlust-self and travel to Europe. I get to create, develop and implement creative plans in all sorts of mediums and then travel to see them come to life: not too bad for a 20-something-year-old. 

How did I get this job? It was a complete God thing. I was hired in the middle of a hiring freeze: how is that possible? God. I was the first person to be hired in over a year: how is that possible? God. I am definitely a young professional and didn't necessarily have the pin-point focus they were looking for: how is that possible: God. I'd applied with this company a few times prior and heard nothing back, but this time God had a purpose and plan for my life, so I trusted Him and here I am. There's a time and a season for everything in life, and I'm absorbing and loving this season He's placed me in and wait expectantly on Him to direct my next steps; for if I rely on Him, I know it will be wonderful.

Boom...Humble!

I accepted a new job in August that came about by God's hand. There really is no other explanation for it. I didn't even apply for the job really. I went in for an interview on Thursday, I got the job offer on Monday and started on Wednesday. I had less than one week to decide on what I was going to do, and in a moment everything changed. I was completely miffed as to why they wanted to hire me; I felt under-qualified, I really had no experience, the job technically wasn't even in my specific field, and I had no background in the financial realm. Yet they wanted me and made me an offer I just couldn't refuse. So I left my previously-known life behind and started a new chapter.

For about 4 months everything was going well. I was extremely busy and had little down time but was expanding my networking base, learning things I didn't know the first thing about (like equity lines of credit), and becoming a wiz at Photoshop, inDesign and Illustrator. Yet the last month and a half have been hard.
Things outside of my control and heck, outside of my department, have made it less than exciting to come to work in the morning. I was getting more and more down about driving the 40-minute commute to work every day. I was secretly on pins and needles about what the day would hold. It wasn't the stress or the high-demand area I worked, it was the never knowing how people were going to feel that day; were they going to be pleasant or down right mean-spirited to everybody in the building? Maybe I'm stupidly optimistic, as one of my professors told me once, but I truly felt everybody in the office had a kind spirit and genuinely cared for everybody else. Maybe not so much! Ha. 

Since Christmas I've really been struggling with down-right dread of the office. What was once a positive and supportive workplace had become gray and tainted with angry words and accusations. The strangest part was that it was all happening around me! I was never once involved in any cross words or heated debates, but hearing your boss get cursed at on a daily basis can bring down your spirit. 

One afternoon at lunch I just called my mom in absolute despair. I couldn't keep coming into an office that had so much negativity and hatred, it was killing my spirit! After a long talk with her, I sat in my car and prayed that God would just give me guidance to where to go next, it was the only thing I could do at that point. 

I went back to my office, turned on Pandora, clicked on the "Hillsong" channel and just prayed that God would fill this place with His peace and serenity and give me the strength to persevere through it all. 

It wasn't until today that I remembered doing that a month and a half ago; I had three separate people tell me how I changed their attitude at work. One guy told me that I must see the good in everybody because I always had a smile on my face. Another guy said that I was quite possibly the most cheerful person he'd known. Then a woman in the office came up to me and just said that she did something this weekend because of me. All within one day! I put the dots together and realized that God hadn't changed the work environment necessarily, but He had changed my heart and let me be a light to the office. Isn't that the most fulfilling thing a Christian can do? I can't think of a better compliment than 'you reflect the light of Christ'...even if they can't put their finger on why I'm so happy or always smiling; the thing is they can sense I'm different! The amazing fact is that I don't have to talk about God 24/7, but that my life and my testimony can be a reflection of His grace, forgiveness, love and acceptance every day of the week. 

And God just said -boom...humble!-

A Step into Adulthood

You work hard through high school, take all the advanced courses, get into a university, study for hours at the library and finally walk across the graduation day. Now what? You're supposed to land a fabulous job out of school and start carving out your career. Well what about when you're unsure? What if you, like thousands of others around, can't find a job? What if the only 'offers' you get are scams and frauds? Welcome to the job hunt 2013. 

I've been applying for jobs since February, it has felt almost like a full-time job! I've utilized every means of networking I can: Indeed, Monster, CareerBuilder, Facebook, Linkedin and every other type of industry website. Know how many call backs I've received- three. How many of those have been scams- two. How many of those have been such an awful position- one. It can get a bit frustrating and make the hunt discouraging; but remember it only takes one call to change it all. 

Today I start my first "real" full-time position as a Marketing Specialist. A piñata of emotions: excitement, anxiety, uncertainty, I finally decided on a 'first day' outfit and packed my lunch...ready for the first step into adulthood. It's amazing how you wish your entire life to be an adult, to be on your own, to make your own decisions, get your own place...and now its here and part of you only wants to be 10 again where crafts were still acceptable, food didn't have calories and it was okay to run around barefoot. With a quick prayer, I step into adulthood.

"'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11